Monday, November 07, 2005

Oops, I Found a Vacation

I guess you could say I’m playing hooky. My program is under the impression that I’m at a private prestigious cancer center doing an Oncology elective. The prestigious chiefs of Internal Medicine at the prestigious Oncology center are under the impression that I’m doing my elective at my home institution. No one bothered to check and so I ‘sorta’ forgot to let any of them know. Oops.

Which leads me to my next thought, what do I do now? If I wasn’t looking for a job this would easily become time for a little R&R, maybe a nice ride to Montreal to meet up with some friends and visit strip joints. But I’m looking for a job and that obligates me to looking over my resume and writing a cover sheet. And I’m having a hard time coming up with a cover letter that indicates that I'm the perfect man for the job.

My indecisiveness is nothing I like to flaunt. I don’t even know what I really want. I think I want to be a hospitalist. The thought of taking care of really sick people for the rest of my life doesn’t appeal too much, but then again, the thought of teaching students does. And then what would I teach them? If I only took the time to read some medical journals, well, that would help.

I believe my whole life I’ve been cursed with a plague of insecurity. Once again this transition, I fear, will bring out the worst in me. Residency is over and I’m clueless and extremely apprehensive about what comes next. Raving about what extremely great qualities I offer on a cover letter feels like a big joke.

I know bums with less of an inferiority complex.