It’s been difficult to get Future Intern (a.k.a. Jordan) to smile long enough to capture it in a photograph. It didn’t help that my digital camera is so late with the photo that the smile is long gone by the time my reflexive finger squeezes the trigger. I therefore made an arrangement with Future Intern. The conversation went something like this:
Madman: C’mon Future Intern give your daddy a smile
FI: Leave me alone Madman. I got two cultures and a rectal to do. I got no time, don’t you know that?
Madman: Just one smile, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaassssseeeeeee?
FI: Get outa here you pathetic groveling shell of a Resident. Don’t you have any respect for yourself?
Madman: Just one smile. I’ll make you a deal. If you give me one smile, just long enough to get it on camera I’ll do all the cultures for the rest of the month. Any fever on our service, you shouldn't worry, cultures are taken care of.
I do believe this agreement suited her because she flashed the biggest smile Future Intern has flashed to date. And then it was back to pure, unfiltered, aggravated soberness. I was officially stuck with all bacterial specimens obtained for the duration of our rotation. And ecstatic.
Of course, our entire service mysteriously began a course of Tylenol every four hours. Just enough to mask any unfortunate temp that would signify some life threatening disease ahead of its true purpose, and would only add to this Resident’s workload.
Interns know so little about how improper medical management can work for you.