Monday, November 22, 2004

Divided by 1 Jew +1 Female

(In a pathetic attempt to boost my own ego and lick my wounds I will clearly outline the reasons that I would make a great *Chief Resident)

The position of *Chief Resident has long been a coveted position in the life of a resident. Therefore, it has become a rank highly influenced by hospital politics and such. The Chiefs should reflect the makeup of the program and at the same time incorporate the best former residents for the job. Difficult, since the best residents who find fellowships in their second year refuse the nomination.

Hospital Politics:

Chiefs must reflect the makeup of the program: The Mad House is a city hospital and the makeup of the program is by and large Foreign Medical Graduates (*FMG). We tend to get one to three US graduates per year as residents, but mostly this is an *FMG program.

There are four *Chief positions and they should incorporate the finer of the Residents in each year: Since the best usually leave for their fellowship after their third year that leaves the upper crust of the Second Year Fellowship Rejects (*SYR).

The chief residents must vary in their backgrounds (eg: some foreigners): Classically, at least here, that results in one female, one American Graduate (*AG), one Jew (*Wonderful Human Being)-just kidding, and one to two foreigners (or any combination thereof).

Good Chief Class=( {Good Resident + *SYR + Varied background (+/- *FMG)} multiplied by 3 + *AG. ) Divided by 1 Jew +1 Female

My case:

1. Since I am a Good Resident by what they tell me and well liked by my students, I qualify.

2. Judging by the amount of interviews I received (Zero) thus far. My chances of getting a Gastroenterology fellowship this year are bleak. Thus I am high on the *SYR list.

3. My most beneficial quality: Since I am Jewish and an *FMG that makes me special. I also grew up in the US thus I am a Quasi-*AG. Because I am also a wuss I qualify as pseudo-female.

Therefore, nominating me would be like killing close to four birds (pseudo quasi-FMG/AG/Female/Jew) with one stone. Let’s call it killing two birds and injuring two (one severely- almost dead bird).

Since I cover almost all the criteria, the program can always point to me when asked about the chief positions and I can be a beacon of inspiration.

Alas, it would seem that I am of the less desirable kind. Two of the four chief positions have been delved out. Two more positions will be offered this week to secretly selected Residents. More to come.